BUILD CONFIDENCE AND DESTROY FEAR

Yes, fear is real. And we must recognize it exists before we can conquer it.

Most fear today is psychological. Worry, tension, embarrassment, panic all stem from mismanaged, negative imagination. But simply knowing the breeding ground of fear doesn’t cure fear.

The old “it’s-only-in-your-mind” treatment presumes fear doesn’t really exist. But it does. Fear is real. Fear is success enemy number one.

Fear of all kinds and sizes is a form of psychological infection. We can cure a mental infection the same way we cure a body infection—with specific, proved treatments.

No one is born with confidence. Those people you know who radiate confidence, who have conquered worry, who are at ease everywhere and all the time, acquired their confidence, every bit of it.

You can, too.

Action cures fear. Indecision, postponement, on the other hand, fertilize fear.

When we face tough problems, we stay mired in the mud until we take action. Hope is a start. But hope needs action to win victories.

Isolate your fear. Then take appropriate action.

Use this two-step procedure to cure fear and win confidence:

1. Isolate your fear. Pin it down. Determine exactly what you are afraid of.
2. Then take action. There is some kind of action for any kind of fear.

Here are two specific things to do to build confidence through efficient management of your memory bank.

1. Deposit only positive thoughts in your memory bank.

What kind of performance would your car deliver if every morning before you left for work you scooped up a double handful of dirt and put it into your crankcase? That fine engine would soon be a mess, unable to do what you want it to do. Negative, unpleasant thoughts deposited in your mind affect your mind the same way.

Just before you go to sleep, deposit good thoughts in your memory bank. Count your blessings. Recall the many good things you have to be thankful for.

2. Withdraw only positive thoughts from your memory bank.

It is clear that any negative thought, if fertilized with repeated recall, can develop into a real mind monster, breaking down confidence and paving the way to serious psychological difficulties.

Don’t build mental monsters. Refuse to withdraw the unpleasant thoughts from your memory bank. When you remember situations of any kind, concentrate on the good part of the experience; forget the bad. Bury it.

Fear of other people is a big fear. But there is a way to conquer it. You can conquer fear of people if you will learn to put them into proper perspective.

If the other fellow is basically like me, there’s no reason to be afraid of him.

Here are two ways to put people in proper perspective:

1. Get a balanced view of the other fellow.

Keep these two points in mind when dealing with people: first, the other fellow is important. Emphatically, he is important. But remember this, also: You are important, too.

2. Develop an understanding attitude.

“Underneath he’s probably a very nice guy. Most folks are.”

Remember those two short sentences next time someone declares war on you. Hold your fire. The way to win in situations like this is to let the other fellow blow his stack and then forget it.

There is within each of us a desire to be right, think right, and act right. When we go against that desire, we put a cancer in our conscience. This cancer grows and grows by eating away at our confidence.

Doing what’s right keeps your conscience satisfied. And this builds self-confidence.

Here is a psychological principle that is worth reading over twenty-five times. Read it until it absolutely saturates you: To think confidently, act confidently.

Psychologists tell us we can change our attitudes by changing our physical actions.

Act the way you want to feel. Below are five confidence-building exercises. Read these guides carefully.

1. Be a front seater.

Sitting up front builds confidence. Practice it.

2. Practice making eye contact.

You say nothing good about yourself when you avoid making eye contact. You say, “I’m afraid. I lack confidence.” Conquer this fear by making yourself look the other person in the eyes.

3. Walk 25 percent faster.

Use the walk-25-percent-faster technique to help build self confidence. Throw your shoulders back, lift up your head, move ahead just a little faster, and feel self-confidence grow.

4. Practice speaking up.

Make it a rule to speak up at every open meeting you attend. Speak up, say something voluntarily at every business conference, committee meeting, community forum you attend. Make no exception. Comment, make a suggestion, ask a question. And don’t be the last to speak. Try to be the icebreaker, the first one in with a comment.

5. Smile big.

Make this little test. Try to feel defeated and smile big at the same time. You can’t. A big smile gives you confidence. A big smile beats fear, rolls away worry, defeats despondency.