DAY EIGHTY-EIGHT | The Comfort Zone #4 Group dynamics

Group dynamics

One place where we can get stuck in a comfort zone is when it is fueled by a social dynamic. Families, friends, work environments – they can all play a part in locking us into a limiting comfort zone.

Well-meaning family members or friends can affirm the self-concept that we have, and thereby help us construct and reinforce our comfort zone.

It can go a step further when your circle of friends or family members or co-workers has the same comfort zone as you. If you have a circle of friends who all hate to exercise and seldom make good eating choices, then chances are you could be pulled into that same comfort zone.

We should also recognize that sometimes the culture at our place of employment might add another obstacle. Sometimes a culture based on comparison and competition will aid coworkers who will deter you from going for a goal and leaving the comfort zone.

The group dynamic of comfort zones tends to leave people all wanting to maintain a status-quo environment together, and this will never lead to any great success or significance in the work place.

If you are in these situations—a social group that guards you from leaving a comfort zone or one that asks you to stay in their comfort zone—I would encourage you to think about how you can walk away from the limiting power of that group.

It might mean that you have to leave completely … or it might mean that you just have to refuse to give that social group the permission to define your comfort zone by their own.

DAY EIGHTY-SEVEN | The Comfort Zone #3 A shielded safety

A shielded safety

The more recent technologies of Star Trek shields work as a force field around the ship, a bubble to protect the ship and its crew from external dangers.

It occurs to me that our comfort zones work pretty much the same way: they exist to protect us from dangers that we perceive are coming near. A difference here is that the shields on Star Trek can be lowered pretty easily; the same cannot be said of the comfort zone.

The idea of lowering our shields when we feel faced with a threat is certainly counter-intuitive to our human nature. We know that we are safe in our comfort zone, and if safety is our primary purpose in life, then our shields should indeed remain perpetually raised.

And so, friends, we must be brave. We must lower our shields, and we must welcome the trials and challenges and growth opportunities that are sure to come our way. In Star Trek, the shields prevent anyone from transporting on or off the ship. If anyone wants to leave or come aboard, the shields must be down. Think of that analogy for a moment. Do you want to spend your whole life aboard a star ship? Or are there perhaps other worlds to explore? Are there perhaps other people who will make your life meaningful … people that one day you will want to bring aboard with you? You’ll never know if your shields are up.

How do we lower our shields and move outside the comfort zone? It begins with a deliberate choice. We take small steps of exploration and bravery, and what we usually find is that we are far stronger than we ever gave ourselves credit for. Enough successful experiences erode our fears and make us bolder.

We discover that our fear dissipates in the excited anticipation of the unknown challenge and adventure that lies on the path to becoming all that we are created to be.

DAY EIGHTY-SIX | The Comfort Zone #2 Where does it come from?

Where does it come from?

What is the comfort zone, really? How is it formed? I believe that it is something that morphs and changes over time, depending on a variety of factors: what we invest our time doing, who we invest our time with, how much we push ourselves, etc. However, the deepest parts of our comfort zone are actually built around our own self-image.

If you believe yourself to be a certain way—physically unfit, or socially awkward, or slow with numbers—then your comfort zone will be built around activities and people and thought patterns that do not force you to interact with those perceived weaknesses.

Think about yourself. There are many things you believe to be true about yourself, and your comfort zone exists so that you do not have to challenge these beliefs. But what could your life look like if you do decide to challenge these beliefs? What joys and pleasures and victories and achievements might you be missing out on simply because you have allowed yourself to build a comfort zone that excludes them?

DAY EIGHTY-FIVE | The Comfort Zone #1 Introduction

Introduction

In the process of becoming all we are created to be, it is important to invest some time in self-reflection. We must, in fact, get to know ourselves a little better. We must discover our strengths and talents and gifts so that we know where to focus our efforts towards growth.

As part of this self-assessment, we must also come to recognize a place in our lives known as “the comfort zone”

Discovering what our comfort zone is can be very beneficial in the process of becoming the best version of ourselves.

Here’s a quote that I have come to embrace about it: “Everything you want in life lies just outside your comfort zone.”

We cannot ignore the merit of learning to be grateful for what we have. Why shouldn’t we just be thankful for the things that already exist in our zone of comfort, rather than wanting things that are outside of it?

The fact is that the things we want to have or achieve or become will never be inside our comfort zone … because if they were in our comfort zone, we would already have them.

The goal is to expand the comfort zone to include more and more of the things, attitudes, experiences, and significance that we truly want in life.

Where does our comfort zone come from? What do we do when we are stuck in a comfort zone created by a social group or work environment? How do we move beyond our comfort zone? When we discover the answers to these questions, we are far better equipped to walk farther down the path of becoming the best versions of ourselves.

DAY EIGHTY-FOUR | Observation

The skill of observation is one that will be of value to us in many different areas of life.

As employees, as leaders, as parents, as bosses, as humans … a keen sense of observation will be an asset to us in many facets of our journey. Even in the process of self-awareness, we need to develop the ability to observe things that are going on inside us and around us so that we can work towards enhancing the good things and correcting the not-so-good things.

When we are actively observing, our aim is to observe as much as possible, not just the point of focus in whatever is happening.

Oftentimes when we are striving to achieve something, we are focused on it. This isn’t a bad thing, in fact I’ve often taught on how to get laser-focused. What I’m addressing here is that there’s a lot more going on that we should be aware of than just the point of focus.

My experience has taught me that if we don’t at least occasionally check what’s going on in the periphery, it will impact what’s happening at the point of focus.

Another important part of observation is learning when to look for certain things. There are cues that we can learn that will help set us up to observe what is most important.

For example, when I first meet someone, my sense of observation is heightened. I observe words, tone of voice, body language, eye contact, degree of engagement, degree of distraction, etc. I know all of these things are important in any conversation, but particularly when I am meeting someone new.

Let’s think about how we can expand our scope to see more of what is going on, and let’s be deliberate about learning when to be especially observant. Let’s observe ourselves as we pursue our goals, taking the time to look around every so often to see all the things that are going to impact our focus or our outcome.

Exercise:
What can you be deliberate about observing today?

DAY EIGHTY-THREE | Lead by Example

This topic is particularly applicable if you are a parent and is also valuable when leading or training others. Really, any place in life that you want to have influence or that you are responsible to have influence, the idea of leading by example is key.

It’s been my experience as well as my conclusion from a great deal of study that what we model, what we example to our children, is what they do. How our children relate to the world is very much based on how they view us relating to the world.

I recognize this is not an easy thing. And the thought, “do as I say, not as I do”, seems much easier. It just doesn’t work.

The same goes for any sort of leadership relationship. Although it might be possible for a manager to get his team of people to work while he wastes most of his day on Facebook, the fact is that his team will never be highly effective.

So what steps can we take to make this work for us? We decide what habits we want our kids or our teams to have, and then we begin to demonstrate those things to them.

Now, this isn’t just an “act” for when they are watching. These habits and characteristics must truly become a part of us if we hope to pass them on.

And in that process, we get to help others become the best versions of themselves while also working to become the best versions of ourselves. A win/win, if you ask me!

Exercise:
What is one trait that you are modeling to your kids or someone in your life that you need to change?
What is one trait that you would like to begin practicing instead?

DAY EIGHTY-TWO | Loyalty

Are you a loyal person? Think about it for a few moments. What does being a loyal person look like?

Loyalty is when we show support, allegiance, or faithfulness to a person, a value, or an organization. There is a spectrum of loyalty.

If you’ve done some reflecting and aren’t sure you are a person of great loyalty, you may be wondering how you can improve that. The answer is that you have to be willing to sacrifice.

Loyalty is a beautiful quality in a person. However, you need to be aware of this trait being abused by others. Some people will discover how loyal you are and they will take advantage of your help simply because they know you will give it. This isn’t healthy, and boundaries become crucial. If you know what your priorities are, it will make it easier to say no. It will also help you establish boundaries.

I want to be a person of well-placed loyalty. I want to be someone who can be counted on by those I am loyal to. I invite you to join me in this journey to being loyal – not blind-loyal, not fickle-loyal, but fierce-loyal.

Exercise:
List some people, values, or organizations in your life that you are loyal to.
Would you describe that loyalty as fickle, blind, or fierce?

DAY EIGHTY-ONE | Priorities #3

I = Imagine and Inculcate the Ideal. Inculcate means to implant by repetition. This goes back to the strategy of daily, deliberate focus on the things that we are working towards. The ideal outcome of the integration of our responsibility and our personal preferences will be options that allow us to blend them in such a way as to love the process of doing what we really ought to do.

Each day by affirmation, we continue to implant inside our thinking, inside our emotions, this captivating desire to do what we really are supposed to do, what we are designed to do, what our purpose in life is all about … and to love every moment of it.

T = Test the Template. This part is pretty simple. It’s time to take what we’ve figured out about our priorities and put it into action. Let’s make our schedule according to the priorities we’ve determined and see how it goes.

I = Investigate Impediments. There are going to be obstacles, challenges, and problems with the templates that we create. When we encounter them, we need to begin to find solutions.

If you find it difficult to come up with solutions, remember that your focus should be on the long range, big picture view of life, rather than the short-range difficulty. Solutions will come as you learn to look for them.

E = Establish Excellence. Since excellence is our goal in life, now we begin to create a rhythm of life based on the priorities we have established. At this point we’ve developed a plan and written it down. Now it’s time to begin to thrive in the rhythm of excellence!

S = Stretch Towards Significance. As we find a rhythm of life and become excellent at embracing our priorities, we will find that our lives reach a place of significance. We all have the same number of hours in the day. Our path to significance can be found through determining our priorities and using that knowledge to schedule our calendars and make decisions.

Remember, this is a topic that should be reevaluated periodically. There may be seasons in life where some priorities shift, or where a lower priority (like work) might need a greater degree of time and focus than a higher priority. Your framework can be fluid, but I believe that it must be built in order for you to become the very best version of yourself.

Exercise:
What is your ideal picture of your life with healthy priorities?
How can you spend time visualizing this each day?

  • Priorities
  • P = Personalize Preferences
  • R = Recognize Responsibilities
  • I = Initiate Integration
  • O = Organize the Options
  • R = Review the Resources
  • I = Imagine and Inculcate the Ideal
  • T = Test the Template
  • I = Investigate Impediments
  • E = Establish Excellence
  • S = Stretch Towards Significance

DAY EIGHTY | Priorities #2

I = Initiate Integration. The next step is to integrate our personal preferences with our responsibilities.

There is sure to be conflict here. I believe this struggle has been going on since the dawn of time.

This takes being honest with myself, and it takes some forethought and planning.

O = Organize the Options. We’ve established that there will be conflicts between our preferences and our responsibilities. What I’ve found is that it is possible to organize our preferences and our responsibilities so that we can do both, because merely fulfilling our responsibilities without also doing what we like to do is not going to bring much joy into our lives.

When we recognize conflicts, we can draw upon our creative powers to develop options that make both preference and responsibility possible.

R = Review the Resources. As we create options that allow us to do both our preference and our responsibility, there are multiple resources that can help make those options possible.

As you evaluate yourself and your priorities, be thinking about all the things, places, and people that may be able to help you.

Exercise:
What options can you see that will begin to integrate your preferences with your responsibilities?
What resources do you have to help you?

DAY SEVENTY-NINE | Priorities #1

Today we will take a closer look at the priorities in our lives. This is a topic that could take a whole book—or even multiple books—but our space is small and our time is short.

Priorities already exist in our lives, whether we acknowledge them or not. The real question is, have we been deliberate about establishing them or have we simply allowed the circumstances and relationships that surround us to create an ever-changing pattern of priorities?

Knowing what my priorities are helps me organize my schedule and makes for much easier decision-making.

Determining your priorities in life is a process that takes focused effort.

I have come up with an acrostic for the word “Priorities” that will help us delve a little deeper into our understanding of this topic. Let’s begin.

P = Personalize Preferences. What do you genuinely enjoy doing? There are things in life that, if given the choice, we would prefer to do.

R = Recognize Responsibilities. We have talked about the phrase, “I am responsible” and it is key here. The sooner we recognize the fact that we have a major role in the responsibility for how things are going in our lives, the sooner we are able to own those responsibilities. Once we recognize the responsibilities we have, we can begin to blend them with our personal preferences.

When we do the things we ought to do, there is a sense of fulfillment and self-worth that comes which always outweighs the momentary gratification of personal preference.